Chapter 5

Ronnie doesn’t have time to stop me, and Renton doesn’t stay on his feet long. I hit him with my shoulder again, making him drop onto his ass. Only this time I don’t stand over him. I crouch beside him.

I need him to hear me properly and remember my words:

“Forget Ashley, Renton! Forget what she looks like, how she smiles, and how she laughs. As long as she wants to be with me, I’ll be there. And remember this: I learned my lesson and I haven’t forgotten a thing. Next time you or your friends decide to open your mouths and drag dirty laundry into the light…” I pause, holding the gaze of angry eyes as vicious as mine. “First remember that I’m a Palmer, and remember what people say about me. I don’t forget anything, and I don’t forgive anyone!”

Ashley

I’ve fallen in love. Now that’s as obvious to me as the way day gives way to night, the sun rises in the east, and people rise into the sky like birds, defying every law of nature, proving every day that human beings are born not only to breathe, but to feel.

I feel. I think I feel with every cell of my soul and body how my heart responds the moment I see Matthew or hear his voice. He has different voices: calm, daring, sure. But always entirely his own. Nothing like other guys’ voices.

And I don’t care that today, everyone at school is talking about us and not even bothering to hide it. As if I’ve crossed a line where the usual rules no longer apply to me and I’ve become invisible…

“Wilson is dating Palmer? Is she insane? He’s a menace! His brothers are in a gang, and one of them is already in prison! That whole family has a police file!”

“No, girls, it’s not serious between them. I don’t believe he actually likes her. Guys like that don’t date anyone for long and don’t know how to love. You’ll see, he’ll dump her in a week!”

“Matthew is cute. He’s insanely hot. I’d date him. So would you, Kelly, even though you’re acting like such a goody-goody. You were practically drooling over him at Fever!”

“I agree with Rina. I think Ashley is a good girl. Come on, remind me who Palmer has dated before. Funny, I don’t remember anyone.”

“But Wilson used to date Renton. And, by the way, right around the time Palmer beat him up. All because he wanted to be captain himself!”

“So what? Matthew really does play better. Are you going to say he doesn’t? My dad never misses a Golden Eagles game, and he said any college would grab that guy in a heartbeat! Renton hasn’t looked great in the last few games anyway. Kate Harding probably drained him dry trying to make him measure up. Now there’s a rich, cynical bitch. Personally, I think they deserve each other.”

“But what if Palmer had crippled him?”

“Are you kidding or serious, Kelly? Guys always settle things with each other. That’s not news. Better just admit you’re jealous of Wilson, that’s all!”

“Pfft! As if there’s anything to envy. I don’t want my boyfriend getting me hooked on drugs someday or stealing my car!”

The words are insulting, but they don’t wound me. Two months ago, these same girls were discussing me too, and they may be discussing me a month from now. You can’t forbid people from trading opinions and talking about things that have nothing to do with them. So I lower my head and look at my notebook. I bite my lips so I won’t smile for no reason while staring at nothing. Because Matthew has been in front of my eyes all day.

I know that in the evenings he works late with his brother and father at the garage, doing private jobs and repairing cars. Things with his father are complicated, Lucas is often absent, and Matthew has to watch over the family business as much as he can. He tells me that plainly, and I believe him. I don’t ask about the Bluff or his dangerous friends. I simply wish him a good evening and promise to call before bed.

Of course we kiss before I leave, and it happens by itself. At some point we simply stop noticing the coach, the Red Foxes cheerleaders, or any of the other curious people around us, and we’re drawn toward each other.

Matthew has bold lips. Soft and decisive at the same time. I give in to them and kiss him back myself. After his kisses, I don’t even remember those awkward kisses with Sean. Did they even happen?.. No. They didn’t.

Hm. Life is arranged in such an astonishing way. Only by feeling it do you learn and see what you might never have seen. Only by turning to face a person can you make them out without distortions and the filter of other people’s opinions.

I’m still a little shy, but when I say goodbye to Matthew, looking into his beautiful, warm eyes, I promise myself that I’ll definitely be brave enough to taste his lips for real. And that I’ll miss him. Now, always, whenever he isn’t beside me.

The Ellison News newsroom is buzzing as usual, and the latest issue is getting ready to go to print.

Zachary and I are sitting in front of the big work monitor, reviewing shots from the recent game and today’s Golden Eagles practice. As we caption and sort them into folders for the school website, we pick the best ones for the paper.

At the next desk, Phoebe and Roan are arguing over which column to make a permanent feature on the back page of the news: cooking or “School Tattletale.” Everyone likes “Tattletale,” and in the end, all of us vote for it, deciding to put an anonymous mailbox for gossip on the school website.

Across from us by the window, focused Amber sits in headphones and works hard on an interview, switching between the recorder and her laptop and glancing up at the ceiling during pauses. Pulling herself away for a minute, she comes over to us to choose the right photo for one of the short articles, then goes back to her workstation while I help Zack finish laying out the issue.

When the issue is ready for layout, Baker and I exchange a look and, unable to hold back, crack a joke about Couch, who has outdone herself today.

Phoebe, getting ready to go home too, bursts into laughter.

On the front page of the new issue, alongside Matthew Palmer, the Golden Eagles’ best player according to the day’s school vote, is the school’s new hope, future physicist, and pride of our town: Bruce Brody. A wonderful guy and a true friend! An incredibly smart and caring Ellison High senior who is always ready to help anyone. Even to defend a mysterious girl’s honor in a fight against scoundrels. And the article is called “A Quick Look at Our Best Students,” simple and brilliant as always from Amber Couch.

In the photo, Bruce is wearing dark glasses, like a spy whose cover was blown and who flinched at a gunshot. But that’s exactly how Ambi and I caught him during last period, and apparently my self-satisfied friend wasn’t the least bit bothered by his look. Or by the fact that Bruce, it seems, never did understand what we wanted from him.

“Amber, what is going on?” Zack is, as always, politely direct, and in his editor-in-chief’s chair, lean and fit, he looks strict and businesslike.

“Tell us what Brody wanted to talk to you about,” I say, not bothering with delicacy either. Phoebe and Roan have already left, and Baker has long been more than just a boss to both of us.

Amber blushes unexpectedly, but answers:

“You won’t believe it, but Bruce apologized.”