Chapter 6

Lena

"Lena, it's time. The bus will be here soon! Here's your school lunch! And please, this time don't forget to eat it, sweetheart. You're practically see-through as it is, and I worry. You'll be home later than usual after music class."

"Thanks, Mom! I'll try."

"And here's your lunch, Nicholas! There's a roasted turkey sandwich in here, just how you like it. By the way, Mark asked me to tell you to stop by his office after school."

"Fine, I'll stop by."

"And he asked me to tell you one more thing. Something you're not going to like. He took the keys to your motorcycle. For real this time."

We're all standing in the kitchen by the breakfast bar, where the lunch bags Mom packed for me and Nick sit in their paper sacks, getting ready to leave. At least, I've already finished my juice and eaten my cookie, but Nick has planted himself with one hand on the back of my chair so I can't get around him, and I have to wait in silence until he leaves first.

Mom doesn't even finish before Nicholas explodes:

"What?! Why?"

"Because you have a Chevrolet, young man, and because on Saturday you came home late at night reeking of alcohol. It happened again, Nicky," she says, calmly sliding his lunch toward him, "even though you promised us you would be responsible. Those late-night outings with God knows who could end badly for you one day."

Over the past year, Nicholas has grown taller and broader in the shoulders, becoming very much like his father as a young man. A typical Holt: the same fair hair, gray eyes, and arrogance. I know he doesn't like arguing with his stepmother, but he has no choice. I'm still amazed that Mom, small and fragile as she is, can talk to a grown guy while calmly looking up at him.

"Come on, Adelie!" Nick snorts, annoyed. "The strict-mom routine doesn't suit you. What do you care about my life? I'm eighteen!"

"So?"

"So I'm not some dog you keep on a short leash! Did you tell Father everything? Always lying in wait around the house!"

"I did," Mom says, not even trying to deny it. "But you didn't finish, Nicky. What else do you have besides being eighteen? A job? An apartment? Maybe a bank account? So where's all this swagger suddenly coming from?"

"What about you?" he says acidly, and if I didn't know my mother, I would have gasped in outrage. But I do know her. That's the point. Wealth has never tempted her. With a fine smile, she lifts one beautiful eyebrow.

"I, my dear, whether you like it or not, have the legal right to use all of that. I spoke with your mother, Nicky, and told her."

"Shit! I don't care!"

"Then take all your questions to your father, not me. And now, please let Lena through. She might miss the bus."

Nicholas grabs his lunch from the counter and leaves, making a show of banging the chair and then the front door. I look at the clock and hurry to tuck my paper bag into my backpack too. In the entryway, I put on my cardigan and flats. I kiss Mom before leaving. I stall a little longer, hoping Nick will have time to drive away before I get outside.

"Teal, do you want me to ask Nicholas to give you a ride?"

"No!" I shake my head firmly. "I'd rather go myself, Mom. Like before."

And that's true. I don't want Nick to give me a ride. I don't want him near me at all. I don't tell anyone, but I've been avoiding my stepbrother for more than a day, and more than a year. To all the neighbors, it's still a secret that we don't share a father, but it hasn't been a secret to us for a long time.

I would be happy if Nicholas left me alone and stopped noticing me, the way he's promised so many times, but he likes playing with me. What a shame no one knows the real him.

I leave the house and walk down the short path to the road. Victoria comes out of her house across the street and, when she sees me, waves as she descends the wide porch. It's an ordinary fall day, and I'm already about to wave back to my classmate when I suddenly notice her brother behind her. Carter.

He's wearing a dark hoodie, a gym bag slung over his shoulder, his hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans. He comes down the steps after his sister and heads toward the road, and there wouldn't seem to be anything unusual about it if I forgot that he stopped taking the school bus a year ago, and that Carter Wright's hair is always perfectly in place.

But not today.

Today his hair is tousled, the wind tugs at his long bangs and promises rain soon, and his eyes are fixed on the ground. When I see him, I freeze for a long second, as if Alex is standing in front of me: alive, only a year older, lost in thought. The vision almost stuns me, it seems so real.

Any second now he'll see me, his eyes will open happily, and their deep blue will amaze me all over again. The familiar dimpled smile will appear on his beautiful face.

"Hi, Lena!"

"Hi, Alex!"

"I'm so glad to see you!" He was never embarrassed to talk about what he felt, and that left me completely disarmed and drawn to him.

"Me too!"

Wright comes closer, and a shy, insane hope stirs in my chest. Please, let it be Alex. If only everything could come back, even for one moment.

But instead of a warm blue gaze, the cold of hard eyes hits me. Sharp and dark.

"Close your mouth, Holt, and stop staring. I didn't say you could."

…and the hope scatters at once, leaving an aching, sharp longing in my chest.

Maybe it will never pass, just like the disbelief that Alex Wright is gone.

The school bus appears on the road, and we all get on. Carter first, then Vic and me. Once she takes a seat by the window, Victoria turns after her brother, who is heading toward the back of the bus, and wrinkles the upturned tip of her nose in annoyance.

"Don't pay attention to him, Lena. He acts that way with all girls. He only tolerates the ones who let him get under their skirts, and even then, not for long."

"He hates me," I say. "I don't know why."

"Carter doesn't love anyone. I told you!" Vic snorts lightly. "Sometimes I think he can barely stand me either. Better tell me about my Nicholas!" She freezes happily on an inhale. "Did your mom give him the pie? If Carter found out I spent half the evening in the kitchen for his friend, he'd kill me!"

Victoria's dark-brown eyes light with interest, and without even noticing, she turns toward me and wraps both hands around my arm.

"Lena, please tell me Nick asked about me!" she begs. "Please!"

I don't want to lie to my friend. Even if she and I aren't very close, we've been in the same class for years, and I figured out a long time ago that she's in love with my stepbrother.

"Don't worry, Mom told him it was from you, but you know Nicholas, Vicky. I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't hear her. You know, he's really busy with practice and school right now."

In reality, one of Nick's latest girls was at our house yesterday, and I'm sure my neighbor knows about it. But I can't bring myself to say that Victoria's gesture made my stepbrother laugh, and that he simply mocked her in front of his girlfriend.

I've tried many times before, but it didn't work. Victoria simply isn't ready to hear it.