Chapter 5

Rumors about Palmer’s return haven’t had time to spread through the school yet, so no one is talking about it in Latin or French. There are plenty of curious people, though, eager to check whether I know my ex-boyfriend is now dating Kate Harding herself.

I’m sick of the attention, and the pitying looks are already making me nauseous, so I escape each classroom the second the bell rings and only finally breathe out when I see Trisha and Amber in the cafeteria, waiting in line at the food counter:

“I am so done with everyone today, girls! I hate this day! Why can’t I be invisible, just for a little while?”

The weather is gorgeous, the school grounds are full of green, and we decide to take our table in the courtyard, where other students are already sitting, and start lunch.

Jake isn’t here yet, Sean won’t be coming anymore, and Zachary has disappeared somewhere in the lunch line among the upperclassmen. I gloomily poke at my reheated mac and cheese with a fork and listen to the girls talk, simply because I don’t want to think about anything or say anything.

“Oh, that summer at Grandma’s… I hate family blackmail and our family ranch in Tennessee! You know, girls,” Amber says, tucking a piece of veggie pizza into her cheek and waving a gnat away from her face, “I love my family, obviously, but that was the last time I agree to spend vacation with them. I almost died of boredom. Don’t go to the club, don’t talk to that boy, don’t ride your bike to the river alone. ‘Sweetheart, why do your nails look like that?’” my friend imitates her relative in a cranky voice. “‘As if someone smashed them with a hammer! Is that really fashionable?’ Every direction you turn, red lines. And if something goes wrong, Grandpa reaches either for his heart or for his gun.”

“That’s awful!”

“I could finally breathe when I got back. If only Jill and her husband would move out of my parents’ house, everything would be perfect. But no, my sister also decided to teach me how to live. And I don’t want that! I never got into her personal life. Maybe I plan to remember this year as the wildest one ever. That’s my right. And don’t look at me like that, Trish. You have a boyfriend, Ashley used to have one, and I still don’t. If anyone finds out that the first and last time I ever kissed anyone was Hugh Grimes when I was eleven, they’ll laugh me out of school. I can’t stand him!”

A group of four guys approaches the next table, all of them members of the school lacrosse team, and with them is tall, dark-skinned Jake, one of the Golden Eagles’ two goalies. When he notices Trisha, he leaves his friends and comes over to us. Smiling wide, he says hello:

“Hey, everyone!”

Kissing and hugging aren’t encouraged on school grounds, but lunch is our own time, and after Jake slips his backpack off his shoulder and drops it in the grass, he kisses his girlfriend on the cheek. He sets his tray on the table and sits beside her.

He and Jenkins have been dating for a year now, and in that time we’ve all gotten to know one another, so I’m not surprised when he asks me with concern:

“So, how are you, Ashley? You look pretty okay. Seems like you’re not as upset as everyone says? Today only the laziest people aren’t talking about Renton’s new girlfriend. But as far as I’m concerned, he’s an idiot, and I told him that.”

“Hey!” loyal Trisha jumps in for me. “What did you expect, that she’d smear snot all over the grass or something? Please. Exactly, she’s already forgotten all about that moron. Right, Ash?”

I have no appetite, and my pasta is getting cold, but there’s so much hope in my friend’s voice that I pull myself together and smile calmly at Jake. First, I’m the one who broke up with Sean, and they’re still friends with him. Second, the guys from his team are glancing our way with interest, and feeding that interest with a tearful confession would be a stupid mistake.

“Right. Everything is fine, Jake, except Sean and I probably won’t ever be friends now. I think I don’t need a relationship with a guy like that anymore, and it’s actually good that it became clear right away. Now is the perfect time to focus on school and the paper, which is exactly what I’m going to do. So I’m not upset. I’m just moving on.”

“I’m not defending him, Ashley.”

“I know, Jake.”

“Kate Harding has had it in for you for a long time, and Trisha and I think Sean is just a tool in her hands. It sucks that no one knows the whole truth about you two—that you’re stepsisters, and that Sean knows it too. But don’t worry, I’m not going to run my mouth about your family. And only an idiot would believe all this gossip.”

“Bingo!” Amber suddenly exclaims, loud and delighted, then leans toward him and snaps her fingers in front of his face. “What gossip? Start talking. Now!”

“Don’t you dare!” Trisha orders her boyfriend, leaving Jake no choice but to stare at me with a pained expression.

“Ash? I think I just screwed up, didn’t I?”

I suddenly smile, feeling genuinely sorry for him.

“Oh, Finley. Rookie mistake. This is Amber. She’ll chew your ears off, but she’ll get the details. Go ahead, tell us,” I allow, pushing my plastic plate of pasta away and getting ready to listen. “I doubt you can surprise me. In four years, I’ve seen just about everything from Kate.”

But Jake manages to surprise me. So much that I blush red as a poppy after learning a lot of new things about myself. Apparently, I spent the whole summer harassing Renton with tearful letters and inappropriate photos. Apparently, I kiss disgustingly wet, with my mouth open like a fish on shore. I don’t shave my armpits, and the poor guy barely managed to get away from me.

No wonder everyone keeps staring at me.

“W-what?”

I’m so stunned by what I’ve heard that I freeze. Believing it is as hard as it is painful. Whatever happened, Sean couldn’t have said that. No. I don’t believe it. I didn’t deserve a bucket of filth like that from him.

But even if he didn’t say it himself, he definitely heard it, and the thought makes me feel truly sick.

“What a bitch,” Amber breathes, stunned, following her guess even farther than I have. “Harding has lost her mind from getting away with everything. That is low.”

“Ew, Jake! I thought better of Renton!” Trisha is outraged too and even gets up from the bench, forgetting her food. “Tell everyone immediately that Ashley’s hygiene is perfectly fine!” she demands, pointing toward his friends at the next table. “Kate is the one whose head isn’t right! Jealous ass. Too bad we’re not in the Middle Ages and I can’t challenge that snake to combat. I would beat the crap out of her!”

The guys at the next table don’t understand everything in our conversation, but they watch with amused snickers, and Jake sits his girlfriend back down on the bench. He wraps an arm around her and calms her down. With Jenkins’s temperament, that takes skill.

“Calm down, Trisha. I told you, it’s nonsense. Nobody believes that crap, don’t worry.”

“What crap? What are we arguing about? Did I miss something?”

Dark-haired Zachary comes up to the table with a tray in his hands, and I move over, giving Baker room to sit on the same bench as me and Couch.