Chapter 4

"How do you know?" There, I have turned to him again. Marjanov's black eyes are hard not to look into. They are like dark pools with fire smoldering at the bottom. Especially when we are alone. "You don't leave me alone either."

"I'm completely different," Ruslan says, not looking away.

"That's what you think."

Ruslan's hand drops from the steering wheel and settles on the back of my seat, under the headrest. He turns and moves closer.

"So you find me as disgusting as that asshole?" he asks demandingly, but hoarsely. "Have I ever backed you into a corner, Alice? I'm still waiting patiently."

"Waiting for what? For God's sake, Marjanov."

"For you to be with me, obviously!"

"Obviously?!"

Here we are again, back at our already eternal argument.

"Don't tell me you're head over heels in love with your gym-rat narcissist. With that stupid Fish of yours!"

I turn away. He knows me too well.

"What you need, Snowy, you won't find with him," I hear, irritated and stubborn. "Only I know what you want. Should I tell you?"

"Tell me. Maybe you're wrong."

"Warmth. I know you. And I'll give it to you."

When you hear the truth, it's hard to pretend it isn't true. Though I still don't fully know what I want.

"Maybe. But you won't give it only to me, will you?" I answer quietly. "You'll hand it out generously to everyone, and I won't be able to take it. And what happens after that? Will you be like this Maksim, bringing adventure into your boring life?"

"You don't know me, Snow."

"I do. That's the whole problem."

I take the backpack sitting at my feet and open the car door. Lowering one foot to the asphalt, I glance back at him. He is still looking at me, and I feel that I have to say:

"Ruslan, I'm not a target. The thrill will pass, and nothing will be left."

"Nothing at all?"

"No, not nothing at all. I'll still be grateful for today, and... for the soup. Romka is lucky to have you, and so am I. I just can't get used to the fact that you've grown up."