Chapter 2, Part 1

Scorpio, Drama, and No Magic Whatsoever

The entryway of our apartment smelled of lavender, cinnamon, and something suspiciously like a scorched sock.

Exactly! I stepped over the threshold, shut the door, and picked my sock up from the floor. The heel was burned through. Here we go. I set it on top of the dresser to throw away later, propped the grocery bag I'd just bought at the supermarket across the road against the wall, slipped my bag off my shoulder, and sat on the pouf. Then I started unlacing my sneakers.

"...And I told you right away: don't get involved with a Scorpio!" my mother's voice carried from the office of the psychic Astralia, ringing and dramatic. "Especially if his Moon is in Aquarius! That's emotional chaos wrapped in manipulation, not a person! First he pulls you in, then he disappears, then he comes back with a pile of conditions. Classic! A psychoenergetic vortex!"

"So what am I supposed to do?" someone sniffled in a thin voice.

"First, get rid of all his things immediately. Especially the T-shirt with 'King' on it that he left in plain sight! Then buy yourself flowers and perform an apartment cleansing!"

"How?"

"Draw the symbol of Venus on the mirror with red lipstick. That will strengthen your feminine energy. And play a cleansing mantra at 432 hertz. Preferably in headphones, so the neighbors don't call an ambulance."

"I see..."

"And most importantly, he is not right for you! A karmic bond is serious business, and no Scorpios! You need someone gentle... Pisces, Taurus, maybe Cancer. Someone who will hug you and compliment your aura. Absolutely no half the property for him! Have you lost your mind? Think of the children! Don't forget that the spirit of your ex is still here... Yes, yes, standing behind your armchair! And he is categorically opposed to this union..."

"What if I banish him? I mean... the ex's spirit?"

"Well, I don't know... It can be done, of course. But it's very draining energetically! I need a recharge. Goodbye!"

I pulled off my sneakers, then took off my jacket and sighed heavily. I muttered in resignation as I put that last one into the closet:

"As if I don't have enough evil spirits at university, now I get them at home too... Awesome."

Smoke drifted out of Mom's room. Then a head in a silk turban poked out. After that, cosmic Astralia appeared in full: bright makeup, earrings, beads, and a black-and-pink satin robe covered in sequins and rhinestones.

Esoteric expert, witch, psychic, and tarot reader.

"Hi, Mom." I closed the closet and picked up my bag. "I'm home! Are you chasing spirits around on Zoom again first thing in the morning? You promised to work less!"

"Oh, Diana, honey! I'm so glad you're home!" Mom chirped. "Sunshine, call your father and tell him to buy pizza for dinner. I don't have a single free minute!"

"We had pizza yesterday, Mom. Two of them."

"Then sushi."

"The day before yesterday."

"Then... Oh!" Mom suddenly yelped, as if she'd remembered leaving a lit candle in the closet. "I have a live broadcast with a famous TV channel in five minutes! Diana, darling, please make coffee! Five hours of consultations, and everyone is on edge. I'm going to drop dead soon! Waiting!" Mom sang, smacked a kiss on my cheek, and vanished back into her astral office, leaving behind the scent of lavender and impending chaos.

Nothing extraordinary.

An ordinary day in the Catkin family.

I inhaled the smell of home in resignation and breathed out:

"Of course, Ma. The main thing is that you don't start chasing spirits on caffeine."

"And a sandwich!"

I took the grocery bag from the wall and headed for the kitchen. On the way, I glanced down the hall and knocked on the door of my younger brother's bedroom.

"Stan, are you home?"

"No!" came the muffled reply from his room. "But I am going to eat!"

Who would have doubted it.

"Then drag your skeleton over here, ghost. You're helping me chop vegetables. I urgently need a personal slave and dinner!"

"Come on, Di! I have a test tomorrow!"

"You're a C student. You don't have tests, only excuses and retakes."

Still, the door opened, and my brother trudged after me into the kitchen.

 "Yeah, and a dictator sister as a bonus!" he grumbled indignantly, taking the grocery bag from me and peering inside. "And for your information, I washed the dishes!"

He had, I noticed, so I fondly ruffled the back of his head.

"Good job, just like Dad! Give it another year and you'll learn to make borscht!"

"What, should I chop salad?" Stan asked, laying cucumbers, spinach, and tomatoes on the table.

"Do you want spaghetti with sausages?"

"Do you even have to ask?"

"Then chop!"

I took the cezve from the cabinet and poured coffee into it. I set it on the stove to brew. Taking Mom's mug down from the shelf, I put it on the table and turned to my brother:

"Stan, do you know what my burned sock was doing under our front door?"

In ten years of Mom's career as a psychic, we'd gotten used to stranger things, so my brother calmly shrugged:

"I do. It's your new amulet case. Like a phoenix sock. Ma said she singed it over a special candle to activate your romantic traffic chakra. Now it guarantees you one hundred percent luck in your personal life. As long as you pick up the sock first, of your own free will, of course..."

"D-damn it! I already did."

"Did you look inside? There's probably a feather from some parrot in there."

"I am not wearing it around my neck!"

My brother shrugged again.

"Suit yourself. But you know Ma will stuff it somewhere on you anyway. She's worried you don't have a boyfriend or normal dates. Better agree, Di, then throw it out," Stan advised, looking at me with eyes wise beyond his years. "Trust me, sometimes it's better not to argue."

When it came to our mother, that was the most practical advice possible. I couldn't even argue. I only wondered to myself: who did my fifteen-year-old brother get all that wisdom from?.. Then I went for the sock and threw it in the trash.

Glug-glug. The coffee boiled. I turned off the stove and poured the fragrant drink into the mug that said "Witch. Goddess. And Total Babe" (yeah, Dad was a real romantic in our family), made a couple of sandwiches and headed to my parents' bedroom.

Mom was standing bent over by the table, waving her hands in front of the laptop screen with a mystical expression on her face, as if she were trying to start a campfire or banish energetic insects from the device.

"Mom, is everything okay?" I put the mug and plate on the table and frowned. "Did a difficult client dump her bad vibes on you?" I guessed.

"Oh, you have no idea, sunshine!" Mom sighed. "Fourth session, two tarot spreads, three spells for insight... useless! When a woman is in love, all her senses switch off except one. Even self-preservation! And it's not about the age difference or her status as a rich widow. It's the cunning intrigue of the reversed King of Swords, Lucifer, and the Nine of Pentacles!"

"Wow, a treacherous case!" I said, impressed.

"A difficult one," Mom nodded, still making passes with her hands. "But the client isn't the problem. I can handle her freeloading boyfriend. It's the upcoming television podcast that's about to begin!"

"What's wrong with it?"