Chapter 5

A dark-haired girl appeared in the entryway. And here was the strange thing: when I’d first seen her, only in passing, I hadn’t even noticed that she was a match for Hulk—just as tall and solidly built. A bodybuilder, maybe? I’d had other things on my mind. Now I was surprised. Her voice, though, let her down. What a squeak.

She started chirping and cooing in a thin little voice, even though she’d been yelling her head off back in the room:

“What do these people want from you? Send them packing already. You said you didn’t know that crazy woman. I missed you, Mase!” She tried to hug the boxer, but he brusquely moved her aside and turned to Leshenko.

“Lera, not now. I don’t have time for you. Go back to the room. Sergeant, what do you suggest?” He looked at the cop.

The sergeant tactfully coughed into his fist at the sight of the couple, and I didn’t even think of being embarrassed. As if! I’d caught them in worse positions than this!

“Right now, I see two ways to resolve the problem,” Leshenko replied, adjusting his cap authoritatively. “The first is for you, Citizen Berkutov, to vacate the apartment immediately, and, as the law’s representative, I’ll seal it. And don’t argue!” He raised a hand to head off the young man’s protest. “The police have received a complaint from Citizen Feyakina, and we’re required to take action! Besides, there are hotels in the city, and my shift is ending! You can both take your claims against the agency to court, but I imagine that will have to wait until after the holidays.”

“That’s impossible. What the hell do you mean, go to a hotel? I paid for this place—and paid plenty!”

“I object! Those crooks at Ded Moroz Agency charged me three months’ rent up front! They didn’t even give me time to think!” Hulk and I said it at the same time, then glared angrily at each other.

“Let’s hear the second option, Sergeant!”

“Yes, please!” I chimed in.

“You, Egor Berkutov, will no longer prevent Citizen Feyakina from staying in this apartment. You will not throw her out simply because you’re stronger, insult her, or frighten her. Instead, you’ll try to resolve the problem through civilized dialogue. After all, it’s the middle of the night, and you’re not little children incapable of sorting things out yourselves. Especially on New Year’s Eve.”

Hulk snorted—it was almost frightening how angry he was.

“Two strangers in one place? How do you see that working, Sergeant? I’m not going to live in a communal apartment. I’ve had enough of noisy communal living—I got my fill of it in my youth! This option doesn’t work for me!”

It didn’t work for me either. As if I was going to share an apartment with such a jerk. This place was practically sacred! Especially after he’d threatened to beat me up and called me stupid. Now I’ll show you which one of us is the idiot.

“Excellent! Then there’s a third option!”

Both men stared at me, and I proudly smoothed down my short fur coat.

“Sergeant, please answer a question,” I said. “ What if this… Berkutov laid hands on me? He tore my fur coat—look at the top button—can you arrest him?”

Leshenko was about to scratch the back of his head, but he quickly caught on and nodded.

“Yes. For two days, pending an investigation into the assault.”

“What? What do you mean, two days?” Hulk protested. “Listen, you little crook! I’ll show you…”

“And for threatening and insulting a respectable young woman?”

“Yes. Seven days.”

“Excellent! Then arrest him right now! I’m tired and hungry. He’s driving me crazy, like a flea drives a cat crazy! How am I supposed to stay in the same apartment with him? He’s completely unmanageable! He keeps lunging at people for no reason. He didn’t even ask who I was. He threw me out on the spot! And he made me sit on the cold floor, the bastard! Arrest him!” I magnanimously gave my permission.

Hulk turned green.

“Hey, you! You should thank me for not killing you after that. I’m not used to having witnesses when it comes to my personal affairs.”

“All right, Citizen Berkutov, explain yourself!” Leshenko sternly interrupted our sparring match. “What do you mean, ‘not used to having witnesses’? Is that a threat?”

“Understand it however you like! But when I’m having sex with a woman, Sergeant, I don’t expect a door to suddenly fly open in an apartment I’ve locked from the inside, with some unhinged girl bursting in and cheerfully yelling, ‘Hi, darling—here I am, your Fairy. Didn’t expect me?’ Of course I lost my temper. Wouldn’t you wonder if she was right in the head, in my place?”

What?! I blushed. But not from embarrassment.

“I was just happy! I was saying hello to the house!” I hissed.

“See? I told you she’s got a screw loose!”

“And there wasn’t any sex. Yes, you were with a girl, that’s true. And it seems she was looking for something at your place… wanted something from you.” I spread my hands. “But—oops! Looks like she didn’t find it.”

Hulk froze solid, an icy block. His jaw clamped shut in a crooked grimace, and he swallowed hard. He clearly wasn’t used to worthy opponents, and now he’d suffered such an unexpected knockdown. His little hands jerked in time with his Adam’s apple. If he could have reached me, he really would have squashed me like a fly. But he couldn’t. Who was going to let him?

Fairy—Boxer: 1–1. I twisted my lips into a cold smirk as I looked my tormentor in the face.

“Didn’t expect that?” my eyes said. “Ooh, you parasite! You’ll pay for everything!”

The Xena look-alike’s mouth fell open at my suicidal audacity, while Leshenko’s eyes popped wide. His cap even slipped back on his head—presumably from surprise.

“Wonderful! Never anger a Fairy. When she’s mad, she’s scarier than a witch!”

“What?” Hulk turned his head toward the cop. “What did you say?”

The sergeant shrugged:

“Me? Nothing.”

“No, just now. You definitely said something, Sergeant, about fairies.”

“I didn’t say anything—I should know!” he grumbled. “Maybe my partner said it? He talks sometimes when he gets bored… over the radio!” The sergeant straightened up and slapped his belt with an air of importance. “So what have you decided, young people?” he asked. “Do we seal it… or make an arrest? And let’s have an answer quickly. I need to get going.”

Hulk and I kept glaring at each other as the seconds relentlessly ticked by and the air between us grew hotter.

“Collect the oranges,” I ordered the jerk, with a slight nod toward the landing. “All of them. And take the bag to the kitchen.”

One second. Five seconds. Ten…

Hulk’s jaw muscles jumped, but he moved. He passed me, brushing my shoulder.

I brushed the touch away like a speck of dust—lightly and gracefully. When the law is on your side, it makes you feel like you could fly!

“And take the suitcase. Carefully!” I warned him. “One more hit and it won’t survive. You’ll have to buy me a new one. Along with the laptop inside.”

“Mase, don’t do anything stupid,” squeaked the bodybuilder Lera, scurrying after her tormentor on tiptoe. “If he’d zipped my hair into his fly the way he did hers, I’d have scalped him by now and dragged his ears down to his heels! And she doesn’t even mind—she just keeps patting him affectionately on the back. Mase!”

Oh, maybe they were masochists?