Chapter 5

“Now the Christmas tree, Hulk. And keep in mind, you’ll have to fix it,” I ordered, leaving no room for argument. “The night is long, so try to have everything put back together by morning. I have big plans for tomorrow.”

“Egor, don’t listen to her! Sergeant, this is an abuse of power!”

No, really, that bargain-bin Xena had an awful voice. And she made no sense at all. Leshenko had explained everything perfectly.

I had to explain it one more time.

“That Petukhov of yours, little hen, doesn’t have a choice,” I told the clueless girl with a smile, watching the man return my things to the apartment with quick, sharp strides, “if he wants to spend New Year’s with you instead of in the police station.”

“I’m no hen! And he’s Berkutov himself! You should be ashamed not to know him!”

“Call him Kuropatkin for all I care. The point is, I’m neither crazy nor a crook! Got it?” I shot back at the girl.

She was a head taller than me, but I hit the target dead-on. They’d both pushed me completely off balance!

“I’m not scraping cake off the floor,” the boxer spat through clenched teeth. “Don’t count on it!”

“Fine, then you’ll buy a new one, exactly the same,” I agreed, turning around. “And sew the button back onto the fur coat—the one you tore off. You can choose the order!”

“What?” When his eyes flew open, I saw that they were light blue—the kind nice guys have, the kind girls chase in droves. Although… the light on the landing was lousy. I must have imagined it! “Never!”

I instantly forgot about his eyes and stepped forward, sticking out my chin, not even thinking of being scared by the man looming over me.

“And if the answer is never…” I whispered angrily, then raised my voice and barked: “Pick it up and scrape the cake! I didn’t throw it there!”

“No, you’re not a Fairy, you’re a witch!”

“And you’re Hulk! A jerk and…” What else could I sting him with? “A total amateur, that’s what!”

“Why, you… S-snake!”

“Takes one to know one, Crocodile!”

“Blackmailer!”

“You should be kissing my hands!”

“What?! Why?”

“For not turning you in! But I might change my mind!” I rose onto my tiptoes to reach my tormentor’s face. “You’re a goblin, that’s what you are! And this apartment is going to be mine anyway!”

“I don’t think so!”

“I have no doubt!”

“Why’s that?”

“Because there’s nothing in that head of yours to think with! Knock knock!” I tapped Berkutov on the forehead with my fist. “Anyone home? Or is the woodpecker in charge again?”

“What?! I’ll…”

There he was, trying to hug me. I almost drove my knee up, just as my brother had taught me. Too bad the cop got in the way.

“Ahem-ahem!” A clearly fake cough suddenly interrupted our quarrel, and we both turned toward the cop, breathing hard from the tension.

“Well, young people?” Leshenko asked. “If you’ve reached an agreement, can I get going? Or should I call for backup? I need to get back.”

He gave the boxer a stern look, and Hulk finally gave in:

“Why are you looking at me like that, Sergeant? Tomorrow I’ll find that agency if I have to dig it out of the ground, then skin them alive! I don’t hit women. Not even ones as annoying as this one! I can somehow put up with this harpy for one day…” Our eyes met again and flashed.

“Ha! I’m almost afraid to imagine what would happen to you if you tried to lay even a finger on me!” I couldn’t help myself. After everything, I really wanted to have the last word.

“Citizen Feyakina!”

“What?”

“If anything happens, call me,” the cop said with a salute. “We’ll take all the necessary measures!”

“Thank you for your help, Sergeant. From the bottom of my heart!” I sincerely thanked the good man.

“Citizen Berkutov?”

“Yes.”

“Put up the Christmas tree for the girl, will you? It’s a holiday, after all. Well, I’m off!”

With that, Leshenko stepped into the open elevator, which carried him away, leaving the three of us on the landing. Two Hulks and me—not very strong, but a very angry little Fairy.

Oh, right, and the handsome cat. While the three of us stared at one another, that yellow-eyed monster somehow managed to get into the apartment and return to the landing with the sausage. Then it dove down the stairs with half a ring of sausage.

To hell with the sausage! I still had candy—three whole boxes!

“Make way!” I stepped forward and squeezed between the two broad-shouldered men, then proudly walked into the apartment.

I crossed the threshold and smiled. Finally, I was home! I’d deal with the annoying misunderstanding known as Egor Berkutov tomorrow—everything makes more sense in the morning!