Chapter 1

Back then, her sincerity and courage struck me. Yes, I wanted her, and that wasn’t news, though that evening with Gabrielle I unexpectedly turned out to be more honest than I was with myself. But I hadn’t expected that after letting Ashley out of my hands… I wouldn’t be able to let her out of my head.

Not after I learned the taste of her soft lips and remembered the touch of her fingers on my neck. I could order myself a thousand times to stay away and not notice Wilson’s red-haired girl, but the moment I saw her even from far off, every prohibition vanished and my eyes followed her. Followed cheerful Miss Smile, who had walked into my house so easily and imagined my future as if it were real and all I had to do was wait for it. Followed the slim girl whose name could have been Joy.

I liked everything about her—her voice, her laugh, her smile. The gray, tempting depth of her clever eyes and the honesty with which they looked at me. As if Ashley saw me as someone else.

I was tired of resisting. No one can refuse the thing that makes him even a little happier. And I was definitely not the strongest man alive. Every glance Renton threw at Ash pissed me off, and so did the jokes his idiot friends made about his ex-girlfriend photographer, whose red ponytail flashed on the sports field during our games and practices.

I don’t know if they understood that Renton missed her too. Probably not. But I understood. Holding myself back was impossible, so I simply knocked him down and made him sweat every time I noticed him staring at Wilson.

Once, last spring, his dirty confessions about her made my vision go dark. Now I didn’t want him daring to even think about her.

Maybe I was one of the damn Palmers with “public menace” stamped in my file, but at least I didn’t run my mouth in a locker room full of horny guys about who I slept with and how. Hoping it would score points for me as the future team captain.

Well, thanks to my fight with Renton, he got the job. Too bad they pulled me off him; otherwise it wouldn’t have happened for a long time. But I wiped that smug grin off his face for a while. Only an insecure idiot could decide I lost it over the Golden Eagles captain spot. And especially that I’d regret it. Screw that.

And only a slug like Renton could trade a girl he liked for an empty shell like Kate Harding, obsessed with her own popularity.

Only a couple of months had passed, and he was staring at Ashley again, and this time it pissed me off a lot more. I still understood that nothing good could come of a nice girl’s relationship with me, but I couldn’t let Renton play with her anymore either.

No one! Not Hart, not Collins, not…

Shit. Why look so far? I could break her heart myself.

But tonight at the club, I didn’t see anyone except her. No matter how many people stood between us, my eyes found Ashley again and again. Her hair and her face. Even the sound of her name turned me on, never mind the laughter of a beautiful gray-eyed girl who had suddenly grown up in a seductive vampire outfit that showed off her narrow waist and rounded breasts.

 “…Tell me, Matthew, what do I have to do to make you smile? To make you ignore Brody’s parents and your father’s words?”

“You don’t want to know that. And then you won’t want to know me. After all, you’re our Miss Smile…”

Tonight, I wasn’t so sure anymore that I wasn’t ready to tell her. Yesterday’s game had given me wings, and the happiness in Ashley’s eyes after our win let me believe in the impossible.

She didn’t have to do anything for me to feel happy. Just be near me.

Yeah, I know, I wanted too much, but my heart was beating too, and it didn’t want to hear a damn thing.

“What the fuck, Matt!.. What was that? Just now?.. Dude, were you actually dancing?!.. No, scratch that… You were dancing with Ashley Wilson?! She’s hot, I’m not arguing, but… Matt, she’s a cop’s daughter! Are you out of your mind? Or is this some kind of fucked-up plan? Why the hell did you suddenly make out with her in front of everyone?!”

Salgato and I are standing in the parking lot outside Fever, near our motorcycles, putting on our jackets while the crowd around us heads home.

“Back off, Ronnie! And fewer questions. I’m not in the mood to talk to you about Ashley right now.”

“About… Ashley?! I don’t understand a damn thing. Did you decide to get under Renton’s skin? She had a thing with him last year. You should’ve stolen Harding from him instead. Or what the hell is going on? We were with other girls!”

“You were with them. Not me.”

“But I’m your best friend, Matt! What am I supposed to think? First you blow off Gabi, then Leslie… Everyone in our crew’s jaw hit the floor when you led Wilson out to dance. You practically fucked her right there! I don’t remember you acting that crazy on the Bluff.”

I kick my motorcycle off the stand and sit down, pulling my motorcycle helmet over my head.

“Wait, Matt!” Salgato catches my shoulder and peers into my face. “So it is a clever plan after all. I guessed right?”

“Don’t strain your brain, Ronnie. No! And I said back off!”

But Ronnie is a nosy bastard, and he doesn’t give up that easily.

“So you just want her?!” he suddenly grins in disbelief. “The girl with all the issues? And I’m supposed to believe that?!”

I have to catch him by the lapel of his jacket and squeeze it tight in my fist, spending a second deciding what to use for my answer—force or words.

Only because he’s my friend, I shove him away roughly, fasten my helmet, and start the engine.

“I want her, yeah! I want Ashley Wilson! And I don’t give a damn what you think about it!”

To hell with this. I’m sick of explaining. I don’t owe anyone anything—and especially not my bare soul. Who believes me and who doesn’t is the last thing I care about. And the problems…

I can’t think about them. Not today and not now.

Ashley gets into the car with the girls and glances back. Finds me with her eyes. For a second, the corners of her lips lift as she moves her hair away from her cheek… and I take off the same moment their car pulls away from the club.

I didn’t lie to Ronnie. I want her enough to drive myself insane with my own thoughts. But desire isn’t the only thing, or everything would be a lot simpler. These are dangerous games, I know, but sometimes boundaries collapse and prohibitions disappear because you can’t do otherwise. And I can’t.

Her skin is smooth and sweet on my tongue—I remembered that from the Bluff, and tonight I let myself get away with a lot just so I could feel that sweetness again. Ashley Wilson is my personal drug, and I don’t want to think about what happens tomorrow. It doesn’t matter what happens.

I follow her car all the way to the Hardings’ cottage and leave only after Ashley disappears behind the door, hurried along by her friends’ cheerful shouting.

Of course they see me, and as I fly past, I honk and smile like an idiot, only then letting myself pick up speed.

Hell of a Halloween! Now how am I supposed to sleep?