Chapter 8

Sometimes they seemed empty, as if she were far away. As if she were hiding inside herself from the surrounding world and escaping somewhere in her thoughts. And sometimes, when she came to school with Father (I still called Mark that) and saw me on the small stage at the piano, or watched my progress in my studies, she glowed with happiness. Extraordinary, feminine, golden-haired Adelie became convinced that she had done the right thing, and that conviction spread her invisible wings; she returned and began to live again. I loved seeing her like that.

We both protected each other as best we could. And I certainly did not want Nick to cause problems for my mom, who had decided to change her life for my sake.

- Let me go, Nick! I cannot breathe! If you do not stop, I will tell Father everything, I swear!

Nicholas's pale cheeks redden, and his breathing becomes loud and deep--it feels as if he does not hear me. We are alone in the classroom, and I have already regretted a hundred times that I obeyed Miss Edwards and did not leave with Pilar. Right now, any other punishment would have been a welcome gift!

Outside the door, someone walks down the hall, several pairs of heels clicking, and I am just about to keep my promise and call for help when Nicholas suddenly pulls away on his own, reluctantly, but does not remove his hand from my wrist. He repeats stubbornly:

- I do not give a damn about Father, Duck. What will he do to me? I am his only son! But I do give a damn about Wright! I still have not heard an answer: what did he want from you? And why is your lip split? Were you... making out with him?! - he suddenly guesses. - Answer me!

I am tired, and I do not want to keep this going. And Nick will not leave me alone until he believes whatever he wants to believe.

- I already told you those thoughts could only exist in your sick head! - I try to make my voice sound steady. - He did not want anything. I did! I wanted to talk to him about Alex, but Carter pushed me away because he hates me. Just like you! What else do you want to know?! That he hit me? And why does it feel like you would enjoy that?!

My answer satisfies Nicholas, and the worry disappears from his gray gaze. And I feel disgusted looking at him. So disgusted that the tears that had dried begin to sting my eyes again.

- You both disgust me, you and Wright alike. I do not see any difference. I do not want anyone to need me. Ever!

Nicholas's mood lifts noticeably.

- Great, Teal! Well, bye! See you at home!

In only a few seconds, Nick, as if nothing has happened, lets me go. He moves me aside, throws the door open, and leaves. Immediately breaking into a run in the hallway, he rushes toward the gym and the boys' locker rooms, while I am finally left alone and, breathing out weakly, lean my shoulders against the wall.

Unease suddenly troubles my soul, along with the thought that one day everything may end very differently for me. And that I should probably leave here--leave Sandfield Rock. But what can a seventeen-year-old schoolgirl do with her life?

Nothing. Except perhaps try to lie convincingly to her stepbrother.

Yes, I lied to Nicholas, and I regretted nothing. There was a difference between him and Wright after all. And for me, it was as enormous as a gaping black abyss.

Whatever Carter personally did or said to me today, I understood that he was sincere when it came to Alex. For the pain I saw in his eyes, I found myself ready to forgive him everything. Because now I know with absolute certainty: he has it even worse than I do.